Who remembers David Hasselhoff diving in to save people or the iconic Pamela Anderson wearing a red swimsuit and running in slow motion? For all you youngsters, that was “Baywatch” the TV show, a.k.a. what this movie-reboot tried to imitate.
“Baywatch” begins with Mitch (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) running to save a man who fell from his parasail and struck his head on a rock in the ocean. Mitch carries the man in his arms back to shore.
While others are preparing to try out for the Baywatch team, Matt Brody (Zac Efron), a pretty boy hotshot, rides with his bad-to-the-bone motorcycle onto the beach. He tells Mitch that he doesn’t need to train and is certified to join the team since he won two Olympic gold medals in swimming. Mitch tells Brody that he has to compete in the obstacle course, which includes lifting refrigerators and big tires.
At the end of the day, Brody makes the team. But he screws up twice in attempting to be the hero. When unexpected murders and flakka wash up on the shores, The Baywatch crew investigate and go undercover, a job Brody thinks the police should handle.
“Baywatch” had some good times. The Rock does a decent job filling Hasselhoff’s shoes, but I wish he acted more like Bob Stone from “Central Intelligence.” He was a lovable funny oaf and was way funnier.
The names of the characters from the show stuck and they even pulled off the new CJ’s (Kelly Rohrbach) slow-mo running scene. But this movie is just a raunchy version of the show. The sex jokes and foul language is repetitive and annoying. The only memorable scene was Ronnie (Jon Bass), one of the new Baywatch recruits, falling on a wooden chair and getting his junk caught in it after seeing CJ.
If “Baywatch” has taught us anything is that Hollywood needs to leave the classics alone and come up with fresher ideas. If you want to see this movie, wait until it comes out on DVD or airs on FX or MTV. But if you want to see the real “Baywatch,” watch the old TV show. You’re eyes and wallet will thank you.
This review was first published on Blackflix
Studio: Paramount (1 hr. 56 min)
Cast: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Zac Efron, IIfenesh Hadera, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Hannibal Buress, Kelly Rohrbach, Alexandra Daddario, David Hasselhoff
Director: Seth Gordon
Story: A team of lifeguards, with the help of an Olympic champion, investigate an incognito drug-dealing scheme.
Final Score: D-