Spider-Man Homecoming (from IMDB) 1

Images from IMDB

Spider-Man gets training wheels in Spider-Man: Homecoming.

In this latest rendition of the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, Peter Parker (Tom Holland) constantly waits for Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) to call him on another exciting mission. It’s been two months since the new web-slinger fought alongside Iron Man in Captain America: Civil War.

 While he waits, Parker catches random bike-jackers and even gives New Yorkers directions. It all changes when a few baddies steal money from an ATM using high-tech weapons. The criminals work for Adrian Toomes (Michael Keaton), who was hired eight years ago to clean damage near Avengers Tower after their rumble with Loki back in 2012. He got snubbed from the job, but grabbed leftover alien material that he used to make extremely dangerous blasters and ray-guns. The material also aided in building a flying suit, thus turning him into the Vulture.

Parker thinks stopping the Vulture could be his big break in becoming the newest member of the Avengers.

This latest remake of Spider-Man doesn’t hold true to the classic comic books by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko. First off, Spider-Man was his own superhero. He didn’t want to roll with the Avengers and Tony Stark didn’t babysit or scold him. He teamed up with different Marvel superheroes. The Vulture’s suit wasn’t metal.

The Spider-Man suit Tony Stark made for Parker has various doohickeys and shiny buttons, but that’s not what Spider-Man is about. Parker made his own suit by hand, including web-shooters that are on the inside of the costume, not the outside. There wasn’t a Karen or Siri voice inside his suit. If he wanted to look up things or research villains, he would use his wits and get the information himself from the villains’ lair or something. That’s one of the quirks that makes Spider-Man such a great superhero.

Spider-Man Homecoming (from IMDB) 3

“Spider-Man: Homecoming” also missed key details. For example, we don’t see the incredible spiderbite that turns Parker into Spider-Man (not even a flashback!). Second, we don’t see eye nor tail of Uncle Ben or his famous proverb, with great power, comes great responsibility! That was important because it solidified the vow Peter made when he became Spider-Man.

Also, what happened to Mary Jane Watson, Harry Osborn, or even J. Jonah Jameson? The closest thing we get to Mary Jane is Michelle (Zendaya), who goes by MJ (which makes no sense) and acts like she doesn’t care about anything. Ned (Jacob Batalon) comes as a strong second to Harry, but not by much. Plus Betty Brant is a young girl that goes to the same school as Peter. That’s 100 percent false! Brant was Jameson’s secretary and Parker had a crush on her. Plus Parker worked as a photographer who took photos of Spider-Man for The Daily Bugle. That’s an important element of Spidey too that was tragically missed. Aunt May looks so young that she’s attractive and Italian!

All three Tobey Maguire movies were better than this garbage. Sure, the third one wasn’t perfect, but they all had heart. I could relate to Tobey and he made me actually want to be Spider-Man. He didn’t have training wheels and he wasn’t holding hands with Iron Man, Hulk or any of the other Marvel heroes. The fight scenes were more enticing than Holland and Keaton’s five-second bouts here and there. Keaton was villainous, but Willem Dafoe, Alfred Molina and Topher Grace were truly good at being evil.

After “Homecoming,” there are sure to be more appearances and sequels with Holland as the web-slinger. But I won’t be watching them. I’ll stick with the Tobey Maguire trilogy and :The Amazing Spider-Man 2″ thank you very much!

Studio: Sony (2 hr. 13 min)

Story: Peter Parker battles to balance his life as a teenager and superhero.

Cast: Tom Holland, Robert Downey Jr., Michael Keaton, Zendaya, Donald Glover, Marisa Tomei, Jacob Batalon, Lauren Harrier, Garcelle Beauvais

Director: Jon Watts

Rating: PG-13

Final Score: F++Spider-Man Homecoming (from IMDB) 2